Navigating normality since 1993.

When the Ends Don’t Meet

At the beginning of February I moved into a one-bedroom apartment right downtown. I live alone. Well, actually I don’t live alone. I live with Lucy, my Chesapeake Bay Retriever. Here she is snuggling with me on Saturday morning.

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But besides Lucy it is just me. It’s fun to have a house to myself where everything is exactly how I want it and the responsibility is all mine, but other times it can be lonely. There are moments where I don’t want it to be all mine. The dirty dishes and the laundry can’t be blamed on anyone else. The bills that are adding up and the groceries that are disappearing can only be the result of one person: Me.

Ouch. That kind of stings. Nothing will make you reevaluate yourself like the consequences of living with yourself.

I don’t think I have ever learned more about who Sarah is, in such a short amount of time. But what happens when I don’t like what I see? What if all I see in my reflection is the girl who can’t afford a hair cut and the bags under her eyes that carry the weight of life. Then what?

2 Corinthians 12:9 reads My grace is sufficient for you.

But when it isn’t enough, then what? Grace doesn’t pay bills. Grace doesn’t make the ends meet. Grace doesn’t finish the homework, or take the exams, or answer the phone calls.

it continues, My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in your weakness.

So if His grace is sufficient, then can He come place peace in the middle of the deadlines of tomorrow and today? Can He set comfort and wisdom in between my paycheck and the bills? Or replace the tired and lonely silence of my apartment with His calming and omnipotent presence? And be the gap between the ends that don’t meet? Jesus, you told me you are with me. You told me to not be dismayed.

I then can recall different passages. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds, I feed them. Are you not more valuable than the they are? Cast all of your anxiety on me, because I care for you. Be still and I will fight for you.

So, I was still. And He came. And when He came He brought peace. He showed me how to show myself mercy. How to see more than the messes and how to look past the puppy accidents. He taught me to love the girl in the mirror and to respect the deadlines that life brings. He helped me remember that life is more than bills, but it’s also more than sweet tea at lunch time. And He pulled the depression out of me like pulling weeds from a garden. And then He planted himself in the spaces. He filled in the space where the ends don’t meet with redemption.



5 thoughts on “When the Ends Don’t Meet”

  • Sarah,
    You’re an inspiration to me. You carry your life with humor and grace. You share your weaknesses so easily and know that where you are weak He is strong. I know that I am where I need to be in my life because of the people I’ve met at UT, you among them. And I am so blessed to be able to call you sister and even if you don’t know it you are already making the difference in lives.

  • I am going to first say that “His grace is indeed sufficient”!
    Secondly, be proud of yourself for being able to have faith in God and let Him lead you through the places where we lack.
    Finally, I am sooo thankful for your blog and the message you’ve just delivered. I am going through a similar struggle between what I perceive as my plans and timeline and what lessons God wants me to learn.

    Praying for you!

  • I like the visual of “He pulled the depression out of you like weeds from a garden.” Because the depression acts exactly like a weed; if it doesn’t get pushed back and pruned it has the power to overtake everything beautiful inside! 🙂 Hugs, Kim

  • For one, Lucy is ADORABLE. Two, thanks for this reminder. I’m constantly down on myself on the mistakes I make in life and when I don’t measure up to what God wants from me. I always forget that his grace really is truely sufficient for me 🙂

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